Woody Allen: Whiny Genius, or Hilarious Prick?

I don't remember which was the first Woody Allen film I saw - I do recall seeing little portions of Sleeper, Manhattan and Take The Money and Run in my early pre-teens, but the first one I'm sure I saw start-to-finish was Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* which I saw (accidentally - I'd meant to see John Sayles' The Brother From Another Planet) at the Mayfair when I was 16 or so. I'm not sure why that prompted me to see anything more of his, since (note rating below) I didn't really enjoy it that much.

In any case, my appraisal of his films (if one of his isn't on this, I haven't seen it - sorry, Interiors):

The Big Four (what I think of when I think of Woody Allen: half-comedies, half-romances - but not romantic comedies, oh no - of such a depth and feeling that I want to live in them.)
Crimes & Misdemeanors The best. A morality play where the good are punished and the wicked prosper, with some remarkably sharp humour and a slew of fantastic performances by Martin Landau, Jerry Orbach, Sam Waterston, and especially Alan Alda. Probably the last film where watching Woody himself wasn't painful. A++

Annie Hall Nearly note-perfect, playful with the medium, and a genuinely romantic love story in service of top-notch laughs. I can't imagine what a revelation this must have seemed when it came out - considering that all his work to date had been broad satire or slapstick. The cameo by Marshall McLuhan is probably my favourite scene, although it's a damn tough call. A+

Hannah & Her Sisters A heartwarming tale of real and attempted marital infidelity. The performances by Barbara Hershey and Dianne Wiest are particularly great; Michael Caine is, well, Michael Caine, and Woody is starting to show his age, but like in the rest of the Big Four, is doing it with grace and charm. A

Manhattan I should note that I've never been to New York, and I'd probably think less of this if I had a less romanticized view of the city (and that view was fed, in large part, by these four films). Doesn't manage to balance the humour and wistful romance nearly as well as the others, but still great. And it's got Wallace Shawn. A

The others:
Bullets Over Broadway Allen uses a stand-in (John Cusack) for his nebbishy playwright, and the stand-in knocks it out of the park. I couldn't say if it's the writing or Cusack's performance, but either way, I can't think of another Allen protagonist this good. And he's got some great people to play off, particularly Jennifer Tilly and Tracey Ullman, but really, it comes down to Cusack and Chazz Palminteri's gifted mob henchman Cheech. The story - a remarkably effective essay on artistic and personal integrity - is better and funnier than anything he's done since, and arguably before (While I don't include this or Purple Rose in the Big Four, I prefer both of them to Manhattan, and this, at least, gives Hannah & Her Sisters a run for the money.) A+

The Purple Rose of Cairo For some reason, I've seen this more often than any other Allen film. Good thing I enjoy it so much. Interesting to note: not only is Allen himself not in the picture, but there isn't an Allen stand-in; I think this is his only film where that is the case (and I don't think it's coincidental that this is one of his strongest films.) Hilarious, tragic, and a very clever idea. A+

Husbands & Wives Pretty good, but also torture. What's wrong with it? The presence of Juliette Lewis (whom I despise) for a start, and the jarring hand-held camerawork, too (intended to give it a documentary feel; actually makes it look cheap.) But the characters are worse: Mia Farrow's passive-aggressive Judy, Liam Neeson's simpering Michael, Sydney Pollack's complete bastard Jack and Allen's self-pitying Gabe; all are nearly impossible for feel sympathy for. Add to that the feeling that the whole thing was his pre-emptive strike against Farrow as he demolished their marriage (it's probably not really, but at the time, that's how it looked.) But again, it's a very well-written observation on the nature of relationships, and that's the other part of why it's tough to watch. A-

Sleeper Combines the slapstick, Marxian humour of his earliest films with satire and a touch of the warm intelligence that marks his best work. Dianne Keaton is especially good in this, and watching the chemistry between her and Allen is delightful. B+

Zelig A mockumentary, set in the Depression, about a man so desperate to fit in he becomes like a chameleon, able to change his appearance (and, to a degree, lose his self-awareness) to blend in with those around him. While, at first, it seems like a pleasant little conceit, it builds into a clever satire of the common willingness (especially of that time) of people to lose their identity to the larger group - and the point is driven home most forcefully when Zelig leaves the US for Nazi Germany (and in a hilarious scene, remembers his identity during a speech by an increasingly distracted Hitler, whom he's standing behind; the film does a great job of putting Allen into archival footage, well before CGI). B

Broadway Danny Rose A good, largely gentle comedy about a talent agent whose roster consists of talentless acts; a respectable minor work. I only got around to watching this earlier this year, despite knowing that it was made during my favourite period of his career. B-

Mighty Aphrodite Some decent parts, particularly the Greek chorus; if not for Bullets Over Broadway, it'd be the best work he's done since the split with Mia Farrow. If that's damning with faint praise, so be it. Again, it's sometimes clever and sometimes well-written, but seeing Allen leave his prime so far behind him is a little painful. Did this really win an Oscar? C+

Deconstructing Harry Not bad, considering how far his average quality has dropped in recent years, but not great, for sure. Billy Crystal, surprisingly, does a good job of being a loathesome jerk (and the Devil), and maybe he should start going for more villain roles, because he's sure a pain in the ass as anything else. There are some good ideas in the film, and the structure is reasonably clever, but the execution is quite lacking. C+

Shadows and Fog Based on a very short, Kafka-esque play Allen included in one of his books (Without Feathers, I think); it feels like a lot of padding around a kernel of a good idea. Or possibly, two ideas for short films grafted together. Christ, Madonna was in this? I don't remember that at ALL. C-

Everyone Says I Love You If Allen wasn't in this, it would make a much, much better film. By this point, he's dragging the rest of the cast down, and it strains credibility to see him doggedly pursuing Julia Roberts while he looks like he's having a hard time with the stairs. Ignoring him, it's a decent little story, again, and a funny idea (a musical performed by non-singers), although the ending's pretty corny. Good performances by Alan Alda, Goldie Hawn (surprisingly) and Tim Roth. Very stilted performances by Drew Barrymore, Natasha Lyonne, Julia Roberts (who is easily the worst singer of the entire cast), and Edward Norton. D+

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* A little immature in places, and not exactly insightful or significant, but an entertaining little trifle. D+

Celebrity Allen uses a stand-in (Kenneth Brannagh) for his nebbishy journalist, and the stand-in gets hit with the ball, then manages to hit himself in the face with the bat. To describe this film as 'dreadful' doesn't really do it justice; it's a trainwreck the way that I imagine Altman's Pret-a-Porter is*, in that satires of celebrity culture are well-nigh impossible for celebrities to pull off. To the best of my recollection, there's exactly one good line, where Brannagh-as-Allen is told by a woman he's improbably picked up that she's a playwright. "What are your plays like?", he asks, clearly taking her to be an idiot. She thinks for a minute, then asks, "Do you know Checkhov?" He nods dumbly; "I write like Checkhov," she states flatly. There, I've just spared you from ever having to see this worthless crap. F

*as an aside, looking at the Altman-esque cast list for Celebrity, it does pain me to have to say such awful things about a movie that has Bebe Neuwirth, Allison Janney, Famke Janssen, Debra Messing, Gretchen Mol AND Tony Sirico. Alas, I must.

Melinda and Melinda The thought of Will Farrell in the Allen-stand-in role had me chomping at the bit to see this, but then, I'm a moron. The larger structure of the film (two playwrights each tell a story about Melinda arriving uninvited in the middle of a dinner party, one as a comedy and one as a tragedy) could have been turned into a fine film, and perhaps if he'd made it in 1986, Allen could have pulled it off. Unfortunately, it's mostly Chloë Sevigny mope-facedly schlepping around, Will Farrell being not funny, and...christ, I don't even want to think about it. The tragic part wasn't tragic (because it's hard to give a shit about any of the characters, let alone feel sorry for rich people who make trouble for themselves) and the funny part isn't funny (because Will Farrell does a weak job with rotten material). If Allen ever makes another good film, at this point I'll be shocked. F

What's Up, Tiger Lily? Horrible. I managed to get about half an hour into this, without so much as cracking a smile, before it just got to be too many unfunny, racist jokes to make it worth suffering through in the vain hope that it might rise to the level of a bad MST3K episode. Do not watch this film. F-